Schoolyard bullies

A bully at school is not fun. You can ignore them and hope they go away or alternatively, check out these alternative ways of handling a bully…

  1. Use the silent treatment. Give them a great big yawn, glance at your watch, and pretend that they are wasting your time.
  2. Pretend you didn’t hear and ask them to repeat what they just said. Then ask them to expand on the comment. Explain to the bully that you just don’t get it and keep asking them for more details.
  3. Tell the bully that you’re going to kick their butt. Ask the bully to meet you outside in 10 minutes. Tell the bully if you’re not there in 10 minutes then go ahead and start without you.
  4. Tell the bully to shut up and inform him that he’ll never be the man that his mom is.
  5. Scratch your chin and say, “hmmmm… I’ll bet you were up all night working on that one.”
  6. Apologize to the bully and tell them you are busy and that you will ignore them some other time.
  7. Ask him, just out of curiosity, if his parents were siblings.
  8. Tell the bully that before you walk away you want to leave him with one thought. Then stop and say, “Ah, maybe not, you wouldn’t have any place to put it.”
  9. Tell him his face looks like it caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.
  10. Pat him on the shoulder and say, “Wow, you really owe all that you are to your parents. Why don’t you give them a penny and square the account?”
  11. Take a step back, act astonished, and say, “OMG, a man *can* live without a brain!”
  12. Tell him that when he dies you’d like to go to his funeral but you’ll probably have to work that day. Let him know that you always put business before pleasure.
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